Tag Archives: behavior

TIME TO DEAL WITH MY PRIDE

04 Sunday May 2014

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 Recently God made it clear to me that it’s time to deal with my pride. I knew I could no longer excuse or dismiss the way I behave when pride rears its ugly head in my life. It was time to let go of it and allow God’s Spirit to determine my response instead of my emotions. I’ve been troubled with this for some time, unable to enjoy God’s peace as I continue in my disobedience.

 Here is some of what C.S. Lewis says about pride in his book, Mere Christianity, Chapter 8 titled The Great Sin: 

            “There is no fault … which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others.”

             “…the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”

            “Other vices may sometimes bring people together: you may find good fellowship and jokes and friendliness among drunken people or unchaste people. But pride always means enmity – it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God.”

            “If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.” (I love that one!!)

            “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others.”

 I went back to college to get my bachelor’s degree because “everyone” around me had one. Once I had that, I began noticing all the people who had master’s degrees. So I got one. Then, as I was working in my field, I noticed how many people had a specialized certification so I got that. Then I got a job where the majority of people had PhD’s. I made phone calls, eager to begin my work earning that degree. But I was tired – tired of attaining one level of education only to yearn for the next. Before I earned them, I wanted them desperately. But as soon as I had that piece of paper in hand, their value diminished: after all, I didn’t earn them from a top-ranked college. I didn’t become the confident person I thought I would become because I had them. When I committed my life to Christ, He showed me that His plan for me has never been a worldly one – the degrees were part of MY plan. But pride did provide me with a use for those worldly achievements: to try to convince people I’m “cleverer…than others!”

 My go-to pride behavior is spewing my “wisdom” for whoever is within earshot. I say whatever pops into my head to show how much I know, to indicate the things I have or my position in life, to insure someone understands I am not wrong or “less smart” than they are. When I see a chance around people I’m comfortable with to expound on whatever topic has come up, my “wisdom” comes gushing out. I say things without considering the effect my words have on others. It’s embarrassing to put that on paper and my pride tells me I don’t have to talk about it; better to keep this to myself so others won’t look down on me or know my secret – as if they’re not already aware of it! I discussed thoughts on pride in another blog, but this aspect of it was one of those things in my life that I hadn’t yet identified as disobedience.

 I can’t tell you how many times I’ve embarrassed myself as I allowed pride to determine my behavior. But that’s not the worse consequence – I’ve hurt people I love. I’ve struck at people at their most vulnerable spots, wanting them to feel small on purpose. Lewis is absolutely right when he says “Pride leads to every other vice…” God has made it clear how pride is bringing sin into my life and I know I must hand it over to Him now.

2 Corinthians 12:9 – And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”   

 I’ve deleted these last two paragraphs numerous times thinking there’s another way I can talk about this without divulging my weakness. But I’ll press on – as I become more obedient, it is a clear testimony of the Holy Spirit’s work in me – I can’t do this on my own!

 I used to ease my conscience about my pride by telling myself I’m just insecure. But isn’t a big part of insecurity just constantly reminding myself of the areas in my life where I feel I don’t measure up? Labeling pride insecurity garnered sympathy and self-pity. I didn’t have to admit my behaviors were due to pride; I was simply compensating – behaving in a way that eased my suffering – never mind I caused others to suffer! My goal wasn’t to simply overcome insecurity; my goal was to be at the top, nothing less satisfied the true source of my problem.

 The more mature we are in our Christian life, the more we abhor sin. There was a time in my life when I didn’t give a second thought to these things. If I said something hurtful to someone I told myself I was only trying to help them. Chasing after college degrees was only my ambition and a desire to be successful. Now when I allow my pride to determine my behaviors, I am deeply troubled. There were two situations in the past month where I didn’t even try to stop myself from speaking even though I knew exactly what was going on before I opened my mouth. After hours of embarrassment and contemplating painful apologies, I am thankful that God allowed me to see my sin so clearly. I’m thankful He gave me the heart and courage to apologize.

Romans 7:15 – “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

I’m not naïve enough to think I won’t continue to give in to my pride. But I am being very intentional about how I respond when I feel the swell of pride come over me. I have been in a number of situations already where I felt it full-force and wanted so badly to say something that would puff myself up. But I refrained and the feeling from obeying God instead of responding to my emotions brings so much peace. And it has helped me advance my relationship with one particular person so that I am better able to show God’s love.

 There are so many behaviors that we don’t often attribute to pride: an unwillingness to admit when we’re wrong; refusal to apologize; self-pity; arrogance; refusal to acknowledge how your behaviors hurt others; insisting that everything be done your way; refusal to listen to someone else’s ideas; the need to control situations and the people around you; focusing on others’ faults; reluctance or refusal to accept or even listen to constructive criticism; defensiveness; anger; responding by giving others the silent treatment. Do you feel the need to say whatever’s on your mind, giving no thought to the consequences of your words or tone of voice? Look at your behaviors and determine whether or not pride is at the root of it and begin praying for the strength to conquer it. You will need the Holy Spirit – there’s no hope of conquering this one without Him!

 While pride damages our relationships with other people, the greatest harm is that it keeps us from God. Lewis reminds us that pride IS enmity (hostility) to God by man. Are you too proud to submit to His authority? Too proud to understand His plans are better than yours? Too proud to admit He operates in ways that we are unable to understand? Too proud to accept that God can save even the worst sinner you can imagine? Too proud to admit you are as bad as the worst sinner you can imagine? Are you too proud to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you or your family? Are you too proud to submit to Christian leaders God has placed in your life? Are you too proud to reject Christian leaders who don’t adhere to Christian doctrine? Are you too proud to admit that something in your life is not in keeping with God’s Truth? Pride demands that we be number one, the “main event”, even putting ourselves above God and His commands.

 C.S. Lewis points out that pride changed Lucifer from an angel to Satan.  He says it is “the complete anti-God state of mind.”

Job 20:6-7 – “Though the pride of the godless person reaches to the heavens and his head touches the clouds, he will perish forever…”

 

 

A LITTLE TOO CHRISTIAN

09 Sunday Feb 2014

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Some years ago I was with my daughter and her in-laws at a local Farmer’s Market.  As we passed through a sizeable crowd my daughter and I got separated.  When she found me she said, “Well, that was pretty sad.  I just heard a woman coming out of that store say, ‘That was a little too Christian.’”   We weren’t sure what had happened but wondered what someone might have done that could be deemed “too Christian.”  Had someone been too honest?  Too nice?  Too accommodating?  Too helpful?  The incident has stayed with me over the years.  Whatever it was, that person did something that was so opposite of what the world expected that it struck a nerve.  It still troubles me that the witness viewed the actions as negative rather than behavior we should aspire to.

Four or five years later I still wonder what transpired in that little market but know it could not have been too weighty.  A crowd didn’t gather, there was no screaming or yelling.  Perhaps someone returned money or excused someone for excessive rudeness.  As small as the incident had to have been, I wonder what this woman’s reaction would be to the mother who forgives the man that murdered her child; the husband who forgives his wife for infidelity; the man who spends his last dime to help someone he barely knows.  Most of us have a mental list of behaviors we deem nice enough or that we are willing to forgive; we also have a list of behaviors we feel are too tolerant, too risky, or that should not be forgiven.  As Christians, we are to follow God’s direction regarding our behavior.  As we work to implement these into our lives, we must remember that our culture will not understand them; most are deemed to be unreasonable and too much to expect from any human being.

Matthew 6:15 “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

I love the back story about Peter asking Christ how often we are to forgive.  The Jewish practice was three total offers to forgive (Job 33:29; Amos 2:4, 6).  In Peter’s typical impulsive manner, he graciously asserts that perhaps seven times would be more in keeping with Jesus’s teachings.  But Jesus provides an answer I imagine Peter probably felt was unreasonable:  we are to forgive 70 x 7 times.  Jesus was telling Peter that we are to forgive others an infinite number of times.  We are not to keep track – forgive each time we are wronged with no regard to the type of offense and no regard for how many times we have had to forgive any particular person.  This is how our heavenly Father forgives us.  I am very thankful that God is not keeping a tally sheet of the times He has forgiven me – I passed 490 times a long, long time ago!  Nor is He listing my behaviors in columns titled “Not So Bad,” Really Bad,” or “Almost Too Bad to Forgive!”  I have a lot that would fall under this third column.

While I struggle with expressing Godly love, I do not struggle with the idea of forgiveness.  God has forgiven me of some terrible things and I need that forgiveness, so must I forgive others.  I somehow understand that even the most wretched and horrible person was not born that way.  Something in their life happened – perhaps it was bad nurturing, maybe mental illness, natural desires that are difficult to control.  That is not to say I condone sinful behavior – even the smallest sin is reprehensible to God, thus it is repulsive to me – nor do I believe it is necessary to continue interacting with anyone who continues to wreak havoc in our lives.  Forgiveness doesn’t require either of these.  But forgiveness does demand I recognize my own sinfulness and that we all need Jesus. I don’t stop needing Him after I have accepted Him.  When I look at my fellow sinners, I see someone God can save and I must be available for God to use to accomplish that, I must pray for them without regard to what they are doing.  Jesus is the only way to truly and permanently change the human heart.

The Sermon on the Mount provides us with a list of behaviors Jesus expects us to implement into our Christian lives.  They are principles the world finds unreasonable.  But when we can read this sermon without dismissing any and see the benefits we will gain from adopting them, why they are right, we are coming to a fuller understanding of God.  In his lesson “The Sermon on the Mount” (at www.Bible.org) Bob Deffinbaugh writes: “In this day and age, when we in the church seem to be looking more and more like the society around us, there may be no better medicine than the Sermon on the Mount. It describes what human life and human community look like when they come under the gracious rule of God … Different … not the same….  We should note that the beatitudes do not refer to different groups of people as if some are merciful, others are peacemakers, and still others are called upon to endure persecution. Rather, this is a beautifully poetic way of describing the qualities of a kingdom citizen. All these qualities are to characterize each of His people.

Some have taken the beatitudes (and in fact the whole sermon) as a description of what one must do in order to enter the kingdom of God. …This cannot be further from the truth. It is clear from the text that Jesus is describing the qualities and duties of those already in the kingdom. The Sermon on the Mount is not a presentation of the gospel telling one how to get saved. As Dr. S. Lewis Johnson has humorously pointed out, when the Philippian jailer asked the apostle Paul, “what must I do to be saved?” (Acts 16:30), Paul did not reply with, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” The Sermon on the Mount is not how to get into the kingdom, but how you are to be because you are in the kingdom.”

Living our lives as directed in the Sermon on the Mount is difficult because it is against human nature– in the world’s eyes, they are all “a little too Christian.”  But Jesus isn’t in the business of offering suggestions.  We are to work towards making them a part of our daily lives, our chosen responses.  And because they are not behaviors that we can adopt naturally, we must rely on the Holy Spirit to help us.  When we exhibit these behaviors our testimony is strengthened and we have the blessings Jesus promises in the second half of each beatitude.  At work I am often challenged because my passionate love for Jesus leads me to respond in unexpected ways.  Some days I handle these situations better than others.  On bad days, I often think that I’m wasting my time.  It seems much more acceptable for people to growl at each other and make rude remarks.  On those days I entertain the thought that since my efforts are viewed as insincere or hypocritical anyway, I might as well give up and act like the people around me.  But God reminds me that my standard of behavior is not other people.  I can’t give in to wanting to be accepted or to criticism.  My standard of behavior is Jesus.  There are no exceptions and no wiggle room.  I cannot justify bad behavior by explaining to God that His requirements aren’t acceptable to the people around me, that they might find them a little “too Christian.”

Matthew 10:34-36 – “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.”

There are people in society that many have decided we should not waste our time on.  But we are not the ones to decide to give up on anyone.  When God lays someone on our hearts, we must plant seeds until He directs us to stop.  When someone questions why I spend time helping someone that has caused a lot of problems at work, I simply tell them it’s not my prerogative to give up on her. There are people in my family that haven’t spoken to each other in years and some who have created great chaos for my loved ones.  But when God lays them on my heart, I cannot ignore God’s calling to spread His message to them, even when my family doesn’t understand.  The pain my family goes through because of their inability to forgive is tremendous and it saddens me.  But I must continue to be “too Christian” in every environment I am a part of.  I know it is the only thing that will fix broken relationships and it is one way to glorify God.   

Irwin Lutzer asked the question: What does it mean to live passionately for Christ?  His answer: “To live as if Jesus lives.”  Love the people Jesus loves (everyone); love them the way Jesus loves them (unconditionally); serve in the way Jesus served (humbly and daily).  We have to give up the expectation that the world is going to understand why we live the way we live.  Until someone truly turns their life over to Jesus, our behaviors will be viewed as irrational and naïve. 

The next time I wrong someone, whether it is intentional or not, I pray the person I’m dealing with behaves in a way that is “a little too Christian.”  Heck, I’d even take someone who is striving very hard to meet the minimum requirements!  “A little too Christian” would be a real blessing!