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ME IS A HARD HABIT TO BREAK

23 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by carolyncam1 in Uncategorized

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Christ, contentment, desires, flesh, God, happiness, Jesus, love, peace, regrets, self-esteem, sin

I know our focus on self is nothing new.  It’s human nature.  As Solomon reminds us in Ecclesiastes “There is nothing new under the sun.”  Since Cain killed Abel, man’s priority has been himself.  The degree of self-absorption in the world is a cycle – it peaks, and then subsides.  Each generation feels more justified in elevating self and the consequences of decisions made during the peak times are disastrous – the value of human life declines , violence increases, God is put on trial, morality becomes relative, selfish desires overtake morality as a basis for personal and political decisions, and individuals emphasize their rights without acknowledging responsibilities.  As self-absorbed as we are today, I often wonder what life will look like for my grandchildren.    

Luke 9:23-24 -“If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”

In my 20’s I told myself that I wasn’t going to waste my life being unhappy.  I read somewhere that if I was unhappy, my spouse and children could not possibly be happy as they would suffer the effects of my misery.  That sounded logical and I bought it hook, line and sinker.  If something in my life wasn’t going the way I thought it should, I changed it or got rid of it.  The few times I did stop to think about how my lifestyle was affecting others, I was convinced I was saving them from having to live with an unhappy me.  The thought that this way of living was me-centered never crossed my mind.  I was afraid of getting old and having regrets.  Living a life centered on me became such a habit that much of the time I wasn’t even aware that’s what I was doing. 

As I struggled with confidence and trying to fit into the world, I bought into the idea that it was a self-esteem issue, my locus of control was out of whack, as I learned in a college class.  The gist of this theory is that in order to enjoy life we must believe that we have the ability to control the events in our lives.  My boss once said to me, “Stop walking into a room wondering what everybody thinks about you.  Walk in and ask yourself what you think about them.”  He was getting closer to the right answer, but still missed the mark.  Even the solutions to my “me problem” left me focusing on myself!    

Despite being assured that putting myself first in life was a sure path to a happy life, at fifty years old I had nothing but regrets.  I was no closer to feeling comfortable in the world than I had been in my 20’s and 30’s.  We justify putting ourselves first in so many ways – we have a “right”, we expect life to be fair, the world tells us to put ourselves first.  We live in a self-centered society that approves of all of this.  We’re told to build our self-esteem, achieve self-actualization or self-realization.  We’re encouraged to find ourselves and never get so involved with others that we “lose our identity.”  It doesn’t work; we only end up getting buried deeper in ourselves. 

Philippians 2:3 – “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.”

Then I committed my life to Christ.  I thought my “me problem” was solved.  After all, I was living for Jesus now.  But it crept into my Christian life.  I went to church waiting for people to come to me.  I quit going when I wasn’t getting what I needed.  I waited for people in the church to help me without asking.  I expected my church to provide the things I needed.  I hesitated to make friends because I dwelt on my past life and used it as an excuse to keep people at arm’s length.  My husband didn’t attend church so I felt lonely and sorry for myself.  It was all about me and the problems I was encountering as a new Christian. I wasn’t focusing on Jesus – I was still focused on myself.  I had moments when I was aware of what I was doing and I would tell my daughter “Me is a hard habit to break.”  Finally, it sunk in.  God began making me aware of how many times I thought about my Christian walk in terms of “me, my, I.” 

Romans 7:15 – “For I don’t understand what I am doing. For I do not do what I want – instead, I do what I hate.”

I began to look for the part of God’s truth that would put me on the right path once and for all.  Each time I thought I had found it, I failed again and each time found it harder to forgive myself for not being able to master this problem.  I began to think that my “me habit” was unconquerable.

Then I ran across Steven Cole’s Bible Study “Following Self or Jesus” at Bible.Org (Lesson #43).  He assures us that “dying to self is a daily task.”  I found comfort in that.  It gave me a different battle plan.  Rather than looking for one single answer that would rid me of the problem, I had to begin to look at it as a daily battle with the potential that each day’s struggle may demand a different answer.  But the answer will always be found in God’s truth.  When my emotions or desires tell me to act in a way that’s opposite of God’s commands, I must choose God’s way.  And I can only do that by being silent and remembering God’s Words.  In order to do that, I must be familiar with them.  Reading my Bible every day is the key.  Praying for strength and wisdom is the other tool I use.  While Steven Cole reminds us it’s a daily struggle, I suggest it is a struggle in each situation we deal with.

Read Steven Cole’s words on the role of self-esteem in Christian life (Following Self or Jesus? Lesson #43):   Thirty years ago, the teaching that Christians should love themselves and have proper self-esteem was virtually unheard of in evangelical circles.   …, for many years I taught that we need “proper” self-esteem. But then I came to see that the entire teaching is opposed to and condemned by Scripture. And I have grown increasingly concerned that because of the pervasiveness of this false teaching, there are many who think that they’re following Jesus, when actually they are only following self. They have been taught that the Christian faith and even Christian ministry are the avenues toward self-fulfillment. They’ve been told that Jesus will help you learn to love yourself, when in fact Jesus taught nothing of the kind. 

Taking up your cross is not something you accomplish in an emotional moment of spiritual ecstasy or dedication. You never arrive on a spiritual mountaintop where you can sigh with relief, “I’m finally there! No more death to self!” Nor are there any shortcuts or quick fixes to this painful process. The need for dying to self is never finished in this life; it must be a daily thing.  …When selfish thoughts (“I have my rights! I don’t have to take this!”) crowd your mind, you nail them to the cross by praying, “Lord Jesus, You gave up all Your rights, took on the form of a servant and became obedient to death on the cross for me. Help me to display that same attitude right now” (Phil. 2:5-8).

If, like me a few years ago, you have been taken in by the self-esteem teaching, I encourage you to re-evaluate it in light of all Scripture, especially, Luke 9:23. You won’t find a single verse telling you to build your self-esteem or to love yourself more.

Love Christ, put Him first.  Listen to what you’re saying to yourself in each situation.  When you hear any reference to yourself, consciously make yourself focus on Jesus.  It’s an ongoing struggle because our sin nature still resides in us, but you can build the habit of re-focusing on Jesus and doing things His way.  You’ll find your value only in Him.  He counted you worthy to die on the cross for. 

Romans 5:7, 8 – “ (For rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person perhaps someone might possibly dare to die.)But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

LETTING GO OF gODS

24 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by carolyncam1 in Uncategorized

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Adam and Eve, blessings, contentment, God, gods, Jesus, Proverbs

A sociologist speculated that when archaeologists of the future dig up our homes they’ll conclude that TV sets are an image of one of our gods.  They’ll find our furniture circled around it, magazines praising what we can learn from its offerings.  In most households they’ll find two or three of them.  I would venture to guess he’s not far from the truth.  It’s rare that a church service lasts longer than an hour.  If it does, the preacher usually offers his apology for not watching the time.  Yet most people don’t give a second thought to spending 4 or 5 hours in front of the television (or some other device), me included.

 God’s first commandment is “You shall have no other gods before me.”  The second is “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything …. You shall not bow down to them or worship them.”  Seeing gods in today’s culture isn’t easy.  We won’t find golden calves, graven images, Asherah poles or wooden idols like we read about in the Old Testament.  Instead we have to examine our attitude towards the things that occupy our time, what we spend our money on, the things we’ve decided we just can’t live without.

 Matthew 19:21, 22 “Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”  But when the young man heard that saying he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.”

 The world tells us it’s OK to want things because, as one advertising campaign assures us, “we’re worth it.”  The mantra of today is “if it feels good, do it;” “do what makes you happy.” God wants us to enjoy life.  It gives Him great pleasure to bless us with nice things; He wants us to enjoy good health, to work and be able to provide for our families.  But He also wants us to know that these things might be taken out of our lives.  Perhaps God will never require us to get rid of them or allow us to lose them, but He knows our hearts and the importance we place on the things in our life.  He wants us to keep trusting Him and be willing to give them up, should He require that of us.  God promises that if we put Him first, our lives will be the best they can possibly be. God is a promise-maker, and, WITHOUT FAIL, a promise-keeper!  We have to be mindful of how we are prioritizing God and worldly things. Anything we put before God in our life is a god in our life!

 I John 2:15, 16: “Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If you love the world, the love of the Father is not in you.  These are the ways of the world:  wanting to please our sinful selves, wanting the sinful things we see, and being too proud of what we have.”

 To determine whether worldly things have become a god in my life, I first consider how much time I spend on them compared to the time I spend doing the things that God asks me to do; the things that strengthen my relationship with Him.  At one point in my life, I began spending enormous amounts of time playing computer games.  After a few months, I had to face the fact that the games were taking up the time I had been using to study the Bible.  So I took the games off my computer.  I play games from time to time but I don’t allow myself to spend more time playing them than I spend reading my Bible.  I do the same with social media.  If I spend an hour browsing around Facebook I spend at least an hour reading the Bible.   

 Psalm 119:11:  “Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.”

 My greatest struggle has been getting rid of the “body image god.”  I spent a lot of time and money on this god:  exercise equipment, videos, clothes, gym memberships, diet programs and plans. It was THE most important thing in my life. This god was never satisfied: if I was a size 6, I wanted to be a size 4; if I was a size 4, all I could think about was how to maintain it; on and on it went!  I still struggle with it but I am learning to accept myself as I am and that God values me just as I am.  The size I wear is not the most important thing about me.  I was able to put this god in perspective through Scripture.  One year I followed a Bible reading plan that includes reading one or two chapters from Proverbs every day.  There are 31 chapters so I ended up reading Proverbs more than 20 times that year.  Each time I understood more and slowly adopted new self-talk.  It changed the way I think about a lot of things.  It highlighted how worldly my thoughts and reactions are and how foolish they are.  A word of advice:  Take time to read each verse.  If you find something difficult to understand, use a commentary that explains the thought being conveyed.  Too often I assumed I knew what the writer was saying but when I took the time to research it, I often found I was wrong. There are lots of free resources online – just check with trusted Christian friends and family to be sure the source is Biblically sound.   

 Ezekiel 34:31: “…you are men, and I am your God….” 

“Do I cling to my way of handling something or do I yield to God’s direction?”  I know I’m headed in the wrong direction when I preface my “explanation” for doing something I think might be wrong with “But I…..”  or “I just wanted to….”.   There’s some scary theology out there proclaiming we are all little gods.  But wanting to be god in our own lives is the sin Adam and Eve committed.  Satan “enlightened” them, assuring them that God’s direction was limiting their ability to enjoy life; that God set the limit to insure He would be in control of them.  This deception ruled much of my life, believing that the things God didn’t want me to do made life more enjoyable for me.  I wasn’t going to give them up and miss out on an exciting, fun life!  Even now I am often convinced my solutions are best; at the very least they seem way easier than what I see God asking me to do.  But His commands are unwavering and solid.  My ideas and opinions are wishy-washy and I don’t have the ability to look into my future to see how everything will play out.  God knows me better than I know myself and He knows my future.   I don’t know what I am lacking in order to be a resident of eternity but God knows the areas I need to work on and He helps me improve those things when I obey His commands and direction.  I am now beginning to see the results of committing to His way and I see the blessings and how I have grown. Fighting the “me god” is a minute-to-minute struggle but keeping an eternal perspective is the best way I’ve found to keep this god at bay. 

Within the limits of my human reasoning, I often wonder if God’s original plan for my life was a certain degree of poverty so He could use me to serve Him in a certain way.  When I wouldn’t yield to Him, He used my disobedience to teach me lessons and help me grow.  As I look back at the times I tried to pay bills with money I didn’t have, I see how God provided for me.  I somehow got what I needed.  Some things I thought I needed were actually wants.  I found new ways to handle things when a need couldn’t be met.  Some things I found I didn’t really need at all.  Because I never depended on money for security, I have no doubts about God’s longing and willingness to take care of me.  My love for Him is indefinable as I see how He protected me through all the poor choices I made and how He’s blessed me in spite of them.  Not only in material ways, but more importantly with a wonderful, forgiving family, an amazing church, and an understanding of Him that brings contentment, peace and joy to my life.  Ultimately God gives or takes away according to His plan and I am blessed to have learned to trust Him in that.

“Is it more important to me than God?”  Maybe I don’t answer with a flat out no, but if I attempt to answer the question with some kind of justification, that’s a red flag.  Understanding who God is and what He is doing to give us the best life possible while preparing us for eternity is the key to loving Him more than anything or anyone.  Putting Him first allows me to love others better and I enjoy life more than I ever dreamed I could. 

Hebrews 12:1-2a: “We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back.  Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect.”

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