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Be Still and KNOW

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UNEQUALLY YOLKED

15 Sunday Dec 2013

Posted by carolyncam1 in Uncategorized

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believer, conversion, Creator, fellowship, God, Holy Spirit, husbands, Jesus, marriage, relationship, saved, spouse, truth, unbeliever, unequally yolked, wives

I’ve heard the Bible referred to as an Owner’s Manual for humans – the “manufacturer” provides us with operating instructions that we should follow to insure we perform at optimum level. There are many things that God sets out for us in the Bible on how we are to live, some are things we should not do, others are things we should do.  Most people view these directions from God as arbitrary rules He gives that take all the fun out of life or take away our freedom to make our own choices. But our “manufacturer,” our Creator, is love in its purest sense so we can know that all of His directions will make our lives as good as they can possibly be when we obey them.

 We can see how many of God’s directions are in our best interests: do not murder, do not bear false witness, do not commit adultery, and help the poor are principles that obviously make our lives better.  Then there are things that God tells us to do or abstain from where the benefits aren’t so obvious: turn the other cheek, be humble, sexual purity.  These things are either opposite of how the world tells us to live or we don’t agree personally with them – perhaps both.

I was not a committed follower of Jesus until I was fifty years old, and by that time there were many things in my life that ran counter to His commandments.  The things I didn’t understand as beneficial I simply ignored or decided they didn’t apply to me.  Prior to December, 2009, God was just a religion for me – a choice I made about what I was going to believe in.  It wasn’t necessary for people in my life to share that belief.  I was divorced and I didn’t choose the men in my life based on their religion or lack of one. My beliefs didn’t impact my life in any real way.  I didn’t make choices based on them and I didn’t view the world through that lens.    

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 – “14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God;…”

All of that changed when I committed my life to Jesus.  He became more than merely a religious choice.  I understood who He was, what He did for me and why I needed Him.  I wanted to live my life for Him and be obedient to the way He directs us to live in every area of my life.  As my faith and trust in Him increased, I began to change the things in my life that weren’t in line with His direction. 

At the time I had been living with my boyfriend of eleven years.  I knew exactly what God desired for me to do in that situation.  But, there was another issue – my boyfriend was not a believer.  I knew the Bible said something about being unequally yolked but I struggled to understand how obeying this principle would be of any great benefit to my life.  After eleven years together, I still cared deeply about him.  Our relationship wasn’t perfect but I had never felt so secure and loved in my entire life.  I spent the next year going back and forth as to what I should do.  If I decided that I should not marry an unbeliever, then I would be on my own and my financial situation was a mess.  My children and grandchildren loved him and I didn’t want to put them through another broken relationship – I had done that to them too many times in my life.  With every ounce of human pride I possessed, I decided that I would forego this direction from God and prove Him wrong!  I dismissed God’s word that being unequally yolked was something to avoid and told myself I would be able to live a full Christian life with an unbelieving husband.  I was also very confident I would make a believer out of him.  We were married in March, 2011.    

Colossians 2:20 – “Therefore, … you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world,”

At first, there were few problems.  Changes in my life came slowly and I didn’t fully understand my conversion experience.  I walked in my Christian life most of the time, but reverted back to our worldly ways in order to spend time with my husband.  But, as time went on, I became convicted about most of the things we had enjoyed doing together and couldn’t participate in them anymore.  The more I learned about Jesus the more I wanted to talk about Him.  My husband couldn’t understand this and asked that I not bring it up with his family.  He would walk away annoyed when I started discussing Jesus when we were with friends.  I began attending church more regularly, listening to Christian music and popular evangelists but I couldn’t talk with him about the things I learned or the emotions I experienced.  We disagreed about insignificant things that made up our daily routine like television shows or radio programs because I saw how the subject matter offends God.  Discussions about world events were being seen in two totally different perspectives and we stopped discussing them because we could find no common ground about their implications or their root causes.  As my passion for Jesus grew so did the distance between my husband and me.    

1 Corinthians 3:19 – “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.”

I came to understood that, while my husband is still “of this world” I no longer am.  He is a kind, generous, loving man but his priority is worldly things and securing our earthly future. One day he said to me “I believe in God.  I just don’t want to worship Him like you do.” He doesn’t understand that God must be our first priority nor how all of the things we have are blessings from God, believing instead they are a result of his hard work.  I have no fear of something happening that would take away everything we have – I know God will take care of me.  He has no such comfort.  I want God to be the center of our relationship and our home, but he doesn’t understand the need for that.  He understands the basics of Jesus, but can’t understand why we need Him.  Until recently, he didn’t believe there is a part of us that will live forever.  Now that he understands we have an eternal soul, he believes he is a good enough person to gain admission into heaven, although he’s not fully convinced of its reality.  His confidence is in the things of this world and I know how undependable and temporary these things are.  Because of his worldly focus I cannot devote our resources – time, money, space, material possessions – as fully to God as I know we should. 

1 Peter 3:1 – “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,”

I know the ramifications of denying Jesus and my concern for my husband’s eternal soul weighs heavy on me.  At first I spent a lot of time preaching and chastising him for his unbelief. I displayed an arrogance about how I was right and he was wrong. When I tried to tell him the things I was learning, there was no love in my voice.  I was angry and prideful and scared for him.  I came home from church feeling lonely and sorry for myself and would barely speak to him.  All I could focus on was how wrong he was.  I believed if I just kept talking that someday I would say exactly the thing that would turn him into a believer.  Then I read 1 Peter 3:1 and God drew my mind to the words “without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.”  It was time to draw up a new game plan!

I gave control of this situation over to God a few months ago.  My role in saving my husband is to show God’s love in every situation – I make it my goal each day.  After coming home from work or church, I let him know I am happy to see him and kiss him before doing anything else.  When I feel annoyed at a comment he makes or offended at a television show he’s watching, I don’t preach at him anymore.  I give him my attention when I can or find something else to occupy my time, but make sure to comment only if I can be positive.  If I can’t come up with something positive, I just smile – we both know where my thoughts are without me having to say a word.  And I see it paying off. I am beginning to see a softening in him, an understanding of the importance of Jesus in my life and a willingness to read some of the material I have “laying around!” From time to time I tell him about something I’ve read or done and he listens more closely, takes more of an interest.  I never go against God’s commandments for my life and my husband has come to respect this new life I have.  I know I am blessed that we don’t fight about it and he doesn’t insist I “change back.”  My biggest challenge is being patient and let God work in this.  Some days I find the process fascinating, other days frustrating. 

1 Corinthians 7:12-14 – “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”

My husband is the only one in this relationship that has the prerogative to leave.  As a believer, that is not an option for me.  I pray every day that my husband will come to a full knowledge of Jesus.  My struggle until then is to remain strong, be patient and remain obedient so God can use me in His plan to save my husband.  My experience is also a warning to those who don’t understand the impact living life with an unbeliever can have on our Christian walk.  Everything becomes complicated and you can’t give God full control over your marriage or your home because your spouse isn’t a participant.  I know God has forgiven me for my disobedience and every day I must manage the consequences of my choice God’s way.   I find strength in Paul’s words to Timothy: 

1 Timothy 2:3,4 – “ For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior,  who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

The Old is Gone, The New Has Come!

01 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by carolyncam1 in Uncategorized

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Christ, fellowship, forgiveness, new creation, relationships

I have always been content being somewhat of a loner.  My life before Christ almost demanded I not get too close to anyone for fear they would find out some unpleasant things about me or ask me to give up some things I didn’t want to give up!  I didn’t want to be accountable to anyone.  The few times I had tried to build friendships had failed and I explained this away by blaming others or my “painfully shy” personality, but the reality is that I didn’t try for the reasons listed above.  I also had a general mistrust of people and a fair amount of bitterness towards the world.  The older I got, the worse it got and I had become pretty isolated.  God was about to change that!

I love studying God’s Word: how He works in the world, discovering new and deeper truths in the Bible, reading Biblically-sound authors to get their thoughts on various topics.  For three years I read and studied everything I could lay my hands on.  I couldn’t get enough and would often be reading 2 or 3 books at a time, while reading all the articles in the magazines I had subscribed to.  In addition, I was reading the Bible all the way through each year and studying it as I went.  I felt led to study, knew that’s how God wanted me to spend this time.  Then the hunger dissipated. I kept buying books, reading my magazines and finding websites, but I sensed my time of intense, focused learning was drawing to a close.  I found myself reading only one or two chapters of a book or an introduction to an article, with no desire to finish.  New material seemed repetitious.  I would become frustrated waiting for an author to lead me down a new path.  I had to admit I longed to connect with other Christians and knew I needed to find some way to serve God in addition to witnessing for Him.  I recognized these stirrings as the still, small voice of God guiding me to the next step in my walk with Him and, though I tried, I couldn’t ignore Him.

I was overcome with fear when I thought about building relationships with other Christians.  I was comfortable sitting at home, reading my books and articles, learning and understanding new things, writing papers and journaling, listening to sermons at church and on the radio.  But it became very clear to me that it was time for me to get out of the house and interact with other Christians, become an active part of the body of Christ.  I made a feeble attempt at one point, but when it didn’t work out like I thought it should have, I retreated again.  I couldn’t put my finger on why this was such a struggle; I expected connecting with Christians would be easy.  I talked to my daughter about finding a church where members reached out more than they did at our current church.  Of course, THEY were the problem!  But I couldn’t continue to blame others for my failure to connect.  After all, there was only one common denominator in all these situations – ME!

We did start attending a new church after much prayer and to meet other needs we felt were no longer being met where we were.  This is a larger church and an important component of it is the Life Groups.  Members are encouraged to join a small group of members that meet in homes on various nights of the week to take part in fellowship, Bible study, and social activities.  The aim is to build relationships with the members, something that is difficult to do in a large church.  A friend introduced me to the leader of a group she thought would be a good fit for me. The leader called to give me information about that week’s meeting but I didn’t return the call and I certainly didn’t go!  She called me again and left a message telling me about the next meeting and asking me to let her know if she was calling the right number.  At that point I knew I was just being rude so I called her back.  I actually enjoyed our conversation but still found an excuse not to go to the meeting that week.  The battle was on and Satan was winning! 

I felt a deep regret and very unsettled about not going and figured someone would ask why I hadn’t yet attended.  I was tired of lying, making excuses and dealing with the fallout of disobedience to what God had clearly laid on my heart.  I decided to talk to my daughter about my struggle.  For the first time in my life I talked about my fear of seeking out friends, how I panic at the thought of spending time socially with someone. I admitted to the fear that they would find out about my history and not want anything to do with me.  Her response:  “Mom, you have to forgive yourself for things you’ve done in the past.” 

That hit me like a brick.  I thought I had done that already.  I knew God had forgiven me but I realized she was right: I hadn’t forgiven myself.  I was wallowing in all the harm I had done to myself and others, using the memories to remind myself what a horrible person I AM (not was), working desperately to understand how I could have done the things I had done.  In my mind, I was still THAT person, still capable of making the kinds of decisions I had made in the past, still someone that good people should avoid. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 

Jeremiah 18:3-6 (NIV) tells us: “So I went down to the potter’s house and I saw him working at the wheel.  But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.  Then the word of the Lord came to me:  “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the Lord.  “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.”

Unlike the words of Jeremiah 18:3-6, where the potter forms the clay into “another pot,” what I actually believed was that God was merely repairing some cracks or re-shaping my handle.  Who I had been in the past still lurked beneath the repair job God was performing on me.   In my mind I wasn’t a new creature, just the old creature with a layer of fresh clay covering the nicks and cracks.   But both the 2 Corinthians passage and the Jeremiah passage clearly state that God isn’t just repairing us.   “The old has GONE….”  “…the potter formed it into ANOTHER POT….” 

It’s only been a couple of months since I figured this out.  But in that short amount of time, God has worked miracles in my life.  I actually FEEL different; I feel clean inside.  I look at others expecting them to ask what’s different about me.  I see through clearer eyes, as if there had been a veil in front of them before.  I do feel that a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders.  I marvel as I realize God’s love is greater than I had realized (and I thought it was pretty tremendous to begin with!).  I care about the people I have met and can feel that they care about me, too.

I am looking for another Life Group so I can be with other Christians during the week.  I plan on going to this second group by myself – my daughter won’t have to babysit her mother, though I know she doesn’t mind.  (She is planning on continuing with the other Life Group and it’s nice to be able to share that with her.)  I am beginning to talk to other people at church, not waiting for them to speak to me first.  Instead of thinking about how I’m handling a conversation or worrying about whether I might have to reveal something about my past, I am relaxed and am beginning to enjoy these interactions.  I can truly see myself as God sees me, a new creation.  My daughter commented that she is so happy to see her “new mom;” proof positive that I’m not an old pot with patches; I’m “another pot!” 

The world is in the business of trying to repair people.  God is in the business of making people new.  There is a huge difference between the two and we must understand that difference and claim it.  If you’re unable to forgive yourself, consider the possibility that you haven’t turned from something God is asking you to get rid of.  If you find nothing in that inventory, pray and meditate on what God is saying to us in these passages.  Jesus didn’t die on the cross only for the sins we’ll commit after we accept Him: He died on the cross for ALL our sins; past, present and future.  They’re all covered with His blood.  We’re not just being fixed, we’re being made new. 

“…the pot he was shaping was marred, so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.”   “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the Lord. Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand….”  (from Jeremiah 18:3-6)

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