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TIME TO DEAL WITH MY PRIDE

04 Sunday May 2014

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 Recently God made it clear to me that it’s time to deal with my pride. I knew I could no longer excuse or dismiss the way I behave when pride rears its ugly head in my life. It was time to let go of it and allow God’s Spirit to determine my response instead of my emotions. I’ve been troubled with this for some time, unable to enjoy God’s peace as I continue in my disobedience.

 Here is some of what C.S. Lewis says about pride in his book, Mere Christianity, Chapter 8 titled The Great Sin: 

            “There is no fault … which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others.”

             “…the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”

            “Other vices may sometimes bring people together: you may find good fellowship and jokes and friendliness among drunken people or unchaste people. But pride always means enmity – it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God.”

            “If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.” (I love that one!!)

            “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others.”

 I went back to college to get my bachelor’s degree because “everyone” around me had one. Once I had that, I began noticing all the people who had master’s degrees. So I got one. Then, as I was working in my field, I noticed how many people had a specialized certification so I got that. Then I got a job where the majority of people had PhD’s. I made phone calls, eager to begin my work earning that degree. But I was tired – tired of attaining one level of education only to yearn for the next. Before I earned them, I wanted them desperately. But as soon as I had that piece of paper in hand, their value diminished: after all, I didn’t earn them from a top-ranked college. I didn’t become the confident person I thought I would become because I had them. When I committed my life to Christ, He showed me that His plan for me has never been a worldly one – the degrees were part of MY plan. But pride did provide me with a use for those worldly achievements: to try to convince people I’m “cleverer…than others!”

 My go-to pride behavior is spewing my “wisdom” for whoever is within earshot. I say whatever pops into my head to show how much I know, to indicate the things I have or my position in life, to insure someone understands I am not wrong or “less smart” than they are. When I see a chance around people I’m comfortable with to expound on whatever topic has come up, my “wisdom” comes gushing out. I say things without considering the effect my words have on others. It’s embarrassing to put that on paper and my pride tells me I don’t have to talk about it; better to keep this to myself so others won’t look down on me or know my secret – as if they’re not already aware of it! I discussed thoughts on pride in another blog, but this aspect of it was one of those things in my life that I hadn’t yet identified as disobedience.

 I can’t tell you how many times I’ve embarrassed myself as I allowed pride to determine my behavior. But that’s not the worse consequence – I’ve hurt people I love. I’ve struck at people at their most vulnerable spots, wanting them to feel small on purpose. Lewis is absolutely right when he says “Pride leads to every other vice…” God has made it clear how pride is bringing sin into my life and I know I must hand it over to Him now.

2 Corinthians 12:9 – And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”   

 I’ve deleted these last two paragraphs numerous times thinking there’s another way I can talk about this without divulging my weakness. But I’ll press on – as I become more obedient, it is a clear testimony of the Holy Spirit’s work in me – I can’t do this on my own!

 I used to ease my conscience about my pride by telling myself I’m just insecure. But isn’t a big part of insecurity just constantly reminding myself of the areas in my life where I feel I don’t measure up? Labeling pride insecurity garnered sympathy and self-pity. I didn’t have to admit my behaviors were due to pride; I was simply compensating – behaving in a way that eased my suffering – never mind I caused others to suffer! My goal wasn’t to simply overcome insecurity; my goal was to be at the top, nothing less satisfied the true source of my problem.

 The more mature we are in our Christian life, the more we abhor sin. There was a time in my life when I didn’t give a second thought to these things. If I said something hurtful to someone I told myself I was only trying to help them. Chasing after college degrees was only my ambition and a desire to be successful. Now when I allow my pride to determine my behaviors, I am deeply troubled. There were two situations in the past month where I didn’t even try to stop myself from speaking even though I knew exactly what was going on before I opened my mouth. After hours of embarrassment and contemplating painful apologies, I am thankful that God allowed me to see my sin so clearly. I’m thankful He gave me the heart and courage to apologize.

Romans 7:15 – “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

I’m not naïve enough to think I won’t continue to give in to my pride. But I am being very intentional about how I respond when I feel the swell of pride come over me. I have been in a number of situations already where I felt it full-force and wanted so badly to say something that would puff myself up. But I refrained and the feeling from obeying God instead of responding to my emotions brings so much peace. And it has helped me advance my relationship with one particular person so that I am better able to show God’s love.

 There are so many behaviors that we don’t often attribute to pride: an unwillingness to admit when we’re wrong; refusal to apologize; self-pity; arrogance; refusal to acknowledge how your behaviors hurt others; insisting that everything be done your way; refusal to listen to someone else’s ideas; the need to control situations and the people around you; focusing on others’ faults; reluctance or refusal to accept or even listen to constructive criticism; defensiveness; anger; responding by giving others the silent treatment. Do you feel the need to say whatever’s on your mind, giving no thought to the consequences of your words or tone of voice? Look at your behaviors and determine whether or not pride is at the root of it and begin praying for the strength to conquer it. You will need the Holy Spirit – there’s no hope of conquering this one without Him!

 While pride damages our relationships with other people, the greatest harm is that it keeps us from God. Lewis reminds us that pride IS enmity (hostility) to God by man. Are you too proud to submit to His authority? Too proud to understand His plans are better than yours? Too proud to admit He operates in ways that we are unable to understand? Too proud to accept that God can save even the worst sinner you can imagine? Too proud to admit you are as bad as the worst sinner you can imagine? Are you too proud to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you or your family? Are you too proud to submit to Christian leaders God has placed in your life? Are you too proud to reject Christian leaders who don’t adhere to Christian doctrine? Are you too proud to admit that something in your life is not in keeping with God’s Truth? Pride demands that we be number one, the “main event”, even putting ourselves above God and His commands.

 C.S. Lewis points out that pride changed Lucifer from an angel to Satan.  He says it is “the complete anti-God state of mind.”

Job 20:6-7 – “Though the pride of the godless person reaches to the heavens and his head touches the clouds, he will perish forever…”

 

 

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The Benefits of Obedience

06 Saturday Jul 2013

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Obeying God takes a lot of faith and trust.  My trust in Him grows as He changes circumstances and/or my attitude and the results amaze me!  Life makes sense where it never did, even with the added struggles that come with living as a committed follower of Jesus.  I have found an overwhelming sense of peace, a constant underlying joy, confidence, freedom from snares I found myself entangled in through material things.  Obedience is something I am committed to, even when I struggle to understand the reasons behind His commands.

 About a year ago, I was struggling with obedience.  I have tough times off and on, but this was a particularly rough time for me.  Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV) says:  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Notice the word “fruit”; not “fruits.”  When our walk with God is as it should be, all of these characteristics will be part of our lives. But self-control and patience were two I was definitely missing and as I tried to figure out why, I became aware that I wasn’t even trying to obey some of the things God was convicting me about.  I had conquered the “big” things, now it was time to let go of some of the less obvious things I was still holding on to. As I read about the Israelites’ disobedience in the Old Testament, I saw how transgressions against the Mosaic law had a rippling effect.  The transgression might not seem so bad, but as I learned more about the context and background of the stories, I began to see the negative impact disobedience had on the individual, the people as a whole and God’s purposes. 

Obedience is one way we show our love for God.  A lot of stories about obedience are very difficult to understand and, at first many appear to contradict the goodness of God.  But it is important to research these stories.  Find Biblically-sound commentaries, authors and teachers to learn about the background, context and explanation to understand what’s going on.  Knowing the full story allows us to: 1) see what God didn’t do, 2) see that He is working constantly to accomplish His purposes, 3)see God’s patience, and 4) understand how amazing Jesus’ atoning death is.

I decided one morning on my way to work that I would obey the speed limit.  I drive about 25 miles one way:  3 miles on a state highway, then straight west on I-70.  I wouldn’t allow myself the extra 5-10 mph I usually drove.  When the limit was posted as 65, my speedometer would be at 65.  As soon as I pulled out of the driveway, I set the cruise control.  I drove in the right-hand lane – unfamiliar territory for consistent travelers of the far left lane!  The first few days I often felt like I was at a stand-still as cars zipped by me and I was tempted to end my little experiment and just drive like everyone else was driving.  When I approached someone actually going slower than me or when I had to adjust my speed to allow someone to enter from an on-ramp, I often experienced a good deal of anxiety as I moved over to the middle lane and peered into my rear-view mirror to see cars coming up behind me, certain they would plow into the rear of my car.  I knew what they were thinking:  “Come on, speed up, get over.”  As soon as I could, I moved back to my proper place!  After about a week into my experiment, I began to relax; driving became a much more calm experience.  I no longer zig-zagged through traffic and I began to see the dangers I had put others in.  My gas mileage improved so I saved money on gas.  I was more patient with slow drivers and those I felt probably should not even be on the road!  Taking a little more time to get home allowed me to hear more of my 5:05pm radio program.  I no longer had road rage.  I never anticipated any of these things happening. 

I thought after a few days I would give up, anxious to get to work.  That I would give in to the desire to drive like everyone else.  I have always been a pretty aggressive driver thinking that proved I was the better driver – it was a source of pride that I had been able to maneuver through traffic like I did for almost 40 years and never had a ticket or an accident.  After about a month, some of my old habits began to show up, but I re-grouped and continued to enjoy the unexpected benefits of obeying the speed limit. 

Obeying God has worked out the same way.  I never imagined experiencing the things I have gained. While I came from a pretty low place, I know a lot of people who are very happy living a life without God and I often wonder how amazing their life would be with Him.  It seems giving up control of your life would be restrictive and subservient.  But it is just the opposite. 

I am learning patience.  I’m still a work in progress, but I can wait on Him with absolute knowledge that the things He has for me will make my life fuller, more meaningful.  I often fight the urge to take the quickest way to achieve something, but each time I remind myself of the things He has done and find myself eagerly waiting to see what He will do when I wait.  I’m more patient in my interactions with others and take the time to understand where they’re coming from instead of insisting on speaking my mind or acting on my emotions.

I am enjoying the benefits of self-control.  When I was growing up, we eagerly awaited the annual showing of The Wizard of Oz on TV.  It was a special time and, even as we ran screaming from the room when the flying monkeys appeared, we LOVED watching it and couldn’t wait to watch it each year.  In my mid-20’s we bought a VCR and the first movie we bought was The Wizard of Oz.  We watched it so much that my daughter insisted I call her Dorothy, and I obliged her.  But it wasn’t special anymore.  We live in a nation where most of us can indulge every desire we have quickly and as often as we want.  But as I learn how to be more in control of urges and desires, even the smallest things in life are much richer and meaningful.  A bag of M&M’s once a week tastes much better than a bag a day.  A new outfit two or three times a year is much more exciting than three new blouses a week.  Finding three toads this summer has been much more thrilling than finding 1 every weekend! Taking the time to put away my shoes relieves a lot of morning anxiety.  Taking time to do things right the first time saves me from a lot of extra work. Learning self-control has made me more disciplined, less depressed, less anxious. 

Obeying God doesn’t seem to make any sense when we’ve convinced ourselves that what we want is much better than what He wants.  I had to free myself from my plans and trust Him with His plan for my life. There are so many things we do that are in disobedience to what God tells us to do and some things are very difficult for us to change.  It’s scary to stop behaving in ways that have worked for us in the past.  It’s scary to think about the things we might lose if we change certain behaviors.  It’s scary thinking we won’t fit in with the world when we do those things the world tells us are right but God tells us are wrong.  It’s uncomfortable when people tell us we’re naïve or foolish to believe in such a God.  And it’s very difficult to tell friends and family “no” when they ask us to do something that is in direct disobedience to God.  I wish there were words I could say that would assure you that what you get is so much better than what you have.  I just pray you will take a chance and see for yourself.  Step out in faith.  Start with the smaller things that aren’t so scary.  Your trust in God will grow each time and pretty soon the bigger things won’t be so hard to change. 

Obeying God can be difficult when we cannot see a reason for doing what He asks us to do or to refrain from certain behaviors.  Isaiah 55:8 (ESV) tells us: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.”  Proverbs 3:5 (ESV) reminds us that we cannot trust our ideas about how we are to live:  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”   I read an article in which the author points out that most of the time we will understand God’s ways only AFTER we obey.