Tag Archives: trials

THIS IS NOT MY HOME

16 Saturday Nov 2013

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In my Bible study I have come to the end of the four Gospels.  Along with Scripture I have been reading The Fourfold Gospel by J.W. McGarvey, recommended with the chronological reading plan I found.  McGarvey combines the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and, as much as possible, puts all the events of Jesus’s life and resurrection in the order they happened.  It’s enlightening to read how Jesus’s teaching progressed and how the apostles’ understanding of His purpose here fluctuates.  Just when I think they understand His kingdom is not an earthly one, they start asking which of them is greater and request they be allowed to sit next to Him in His kingdom.  I am at the point where Judas has betrayed Jesus.  Soon I know His apostles will flee from Him in fear of being punished by the Jewish leaders and the Roman government.  As I learn new things about these events from McGarvey’s commentary, the story of Jesus’s arrest and crucifixion intensifies my emotions about the world’s rejection of God’s Son.

Matthew 26:40: “And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?”

I moved away from God this past week.  I didn’t read my Bible most days, had some minor health issues that sidelined me and spent too much time in deep thought about too many things.  The days when I did pick up His Word, I was reading about the Jewish leaders building their case against Jesus, Judas carrying out his plan to betray Christ, and followers of Jesus leaving Him.  The reading material and my physical and emotional condition were not a good mix.  I felt hopeless about leading others to Jesus.  It’s a tall order and we generally have more failures than successes.  Of course, the mood of the week insured the failures were foremost in my mind.

I spent little time in prayer.  I talk to God constantly but this week I just didn’t know what to say to Him.  I felt angry at Him for not doing more to prepare others to hear His word and be more receptive to Him; angry that He asks us to do such a difficult thing.  I was angry at my friends and family who haven’t accepted Him; for being blind to the truth and not willing to learn about Jesus.  I understand that I may not be the one to lead them to Him and that increased my anger and frustration.  Because of the life I lived before finding Christ, I have little credibility with them and I wondered how God could possibly ever use me.  I know I have to keep listening to God and what He is trying to do in my life and be open to it, but this week I had little fight in me; I simply refused to call on the power of the Holy Spirit.  I spent the week in a valley and instead of moving closer to God, I kept moving farther away.

As I read about the end of Christ’s time on earth, it became clear that nothing has really changed.  People continue to misinterpret Jesus and His teachings, they crucify Him over and over and over, and few make Him the priority in their life.  I’m surrounded by too many people who dismiss God and all that He’s done in their lives.  They’re not thankful for the blessings they have received from Him, they live believing their answers to life’s problems are better than God’s ways.  They blame God for all the bad stuff yet call on Him for help when tragedies occur.  Much like David’s lament about enemies who prosper, I tired this week of seeing prideful, arrogant, worldly people experience great blessings and comfort in this world.

I fled from my Savior this week.  While I didn’t flee in fear of being punished, I fled from living as He has directed me to live.  I shifted my focus from Him to me.   The apostles fell asleep even though Jesus asked them to stay awake should He need them as He faced the suffering He would soon have to endure.   I failed Christ, too, as I gave in to weariness of living in a world I just don’t fit into.

John 15:16: “You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit,”

When the apostles learned of Christ’s resurrection, they looked back at the things Jesus had done and the things He had told them and they were able to put the pieces together.  They went from hiding in fear to boldly proclaiming the news to the world.  As I struggle to move forward in my Christian life, looking back at what God has done builds my faith and trust.  I see how He has kept every single promise He has ever made.  Today I will spend time in His Word and in prayer in order to feel His presence and remind myself how good God is and that His plan for me is a good one.  I’ll be reminded that no matter how small my role is in His Kingdom, it is an important one.  Jesus chose those twelve men to be His apostles because He knew they could do the things He needed them to do to fulfill His plan.  I must know that He chose me, too, and I can be confident that He chose me because I have something He can use to build His kingdom, even when I cannot fathom what that is.

James 4:8: “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”

Living away from God is agonizing.  Spending the last week there reminds me how desperately I want to help others avoid eternity separated from Him.  I will continue to trust that He uses me to plant seeds and I must be about His business.   I cannot let my doubts and frustration tear down my faith in Him.

I know how the Gospel story ends and because of the things Jesus told His apostles during their three years together, they were able to put the pieces together and come to a full understanding of who Jesus really is, what He was here to do, and how they were to carry on with His purpose.  Despite living in a world with no mass communication, twelve followers spread the news of Jesus throughout the civilized world so that all people could receive God’s plan for their salvation.   As hopeless as I feel sometimes, their mission must have seemed infinitely more impossible.  I also know that Jesus warned us of the immensity of the task and that few would believe.  As we work to lead others to Him, we have to remember how far apart His ways are from the world’s ways.  Planting seeds is never a waste of time and it is all we do in the process of leading others to Him.  Even though we may never see what we have accomplished for Him, it is in faith we keep on doing what He calls us to do.

John 15:19: “If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.”

One of my favorite songs is about the fact that this world is not my home:  “All I know is I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong.”  Sometimes the reality of those words has a great impact on me and I long to be where all people love God as He deserves to be loved.  The closer I get to Jesus and realize how much God loves us, the more I struggle to live in a world that rejects Him more and more each day. 

This week won’t be my last struggle, but I pray I’ll handle the next one better!  The down times remind me how great the spiritual warfare is that I’m involved in and the worse thing I can do is flee from the One who can ease my pain.  I’m thankful God has given us what we need to have an abundant life here.  Now I gotta go spend some time with my Father!

John 16:33: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

TRUE COMFORT FROM GOD

02 Saturday Nov 2013

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Life has always been a scary proposition for me.  I was born in 1959 so my early childhood was filled with death and war.  One of my earliest memories was the assassination of John F. Kennedy and I remember snippets of his funeral on TV.   That death was followed by the assassinations of Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King and I remember watching the news about those, too.  All of this was overshadowed by the daily nightmare of the Vietnam War.  My 21-year-old uncle was drafted, sent to Vietnam in April of 1966, was wounded and died that September.  Not long after that my grandfather, whom I loved dearly, was in a bad truck accident and they didn’t know if he would survive.  My cousin burned his legs with gasoline and I watched as he screamed in pain whenever they tried to move him.  My aunt got cancer and we visited her in the cancer hospital – a very bleak place.  We moved a lot during that time and I was “painfully shy” (words my teachers used to describe me) so adjusting to the different schools was difficult.  On top of all this was the chaos of the 60’s.  The rules everyone had lived by no longer applied and I listened as the adults lamented the end of the world. Life scared me.

As I listened to adults talk about these tragic events, I didn’t hear any mention of the fact that God is ultimately in control of it all and that He has a plan for this world.  Many in my family told me they believed in God, a few talked about Jesus, but I never saw that their beliefs brought them any comfort.  Their words and actions only expressed fear and the response to most problems was anger.  Perhaps I was just never around when they actually talked about the comfort God provided them.  I do remember my mother telling me that she got through life because she trusts God but we didn’t go to church, I never actually saw her reading her Bible and she didn’t teach me anything about God or Jesus, so I wasn’t able to figure out how she felt comforted by Him.  I just knew that over my lifetime I knew about God but that head knowledge had not comforted me.

As a child, I found comfort sitting on my grandpa’s lap, getting hugs and being tucked into bed by my mom and spending time with my grandmother.  These physical expressions of love helped me deal with my fears.  But as I looked to God for comfort, I wasn’t sure how to experience the calm I found through physical expressions from a being I cannot see, someone who cannot hug me or allow me to curl up in His lap.  I had no trouble finding comfort in God in normal day-to-day living, but I had not had a trial that tested my trust in Him. Then it happened.

Psalm 23:4 – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; ForYou are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

As I struggled with overwhelming fear and anxiety once again, I was determined to use the tools God provides instead of going back to the coping skills I used before.  I was not going to let my fears consume me and take away the peace I had found.  The Holy Spirit now dwells within me and I knew I needed to allow His power to work in me this time.  I was determined to deal with this trial His way. My expectation was that I could experience the same comfort I felt from the hugs I got as a child.  I trusted that God would completely fulfill my expectation.  I had to do the things I had learned as I studied His Word.

Psalm 34:17 – “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.”

I pray consistently throughout each day but as the weight of my struggle overwhelmed me, I had to change my conversations with God.   I needed to stop talking during my prayers and spend more time listening to “hear” what He wanted me to know. One of the first things He bought to my mind was the fact that He is in the midst of answering one of my prayers.  Each time I had taken this particular request to Him I assured Him that I trusted Him to work it out and I would trust Him no matter what that might look like.  My daughter and I often talk about how our anticipation of an event never prepares us for how it actually feels.  I slowly understood that fear is going to be there but ultimately I have to fully trust God and truly believe His promises.

2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

I was also reminded to stay out of His way.  My instinct to help too often becomes enabling and it is difficult for me to sit back and watch those I love go through trials.  God reminded me that trials are how He builds our character and refines us and each time I went to Him in prayer, He laid on my heart to trust Him in all of it, including those times when I can help but shouldn’t.  I was also reminded that in order to get eternal results, some temporal things must happen that don’t always look promising!  Most importantly, I must always keep in mind that the ultimate purpose of prayer is to build my relationship with God.  Prayer is companionship with Him.  My attitude about prayer must not be about asking and getting, but being with Him.  As I made this the priority for my prayer life, I found comfort.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 – “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord;”

The other change I had to make in my prayer life was shifting my focus from my struggle to praising God and thanking Him for who He is and all He has given us.  Shifting my thoughts from trouble and worry to thankfulness reminds me of God’s goodness which stops my inclination to blame God for allowing pain in our lives.  I remember that He has a plan for this world and for me and that it is good.  In his book Prayer: Does It Make a Difference Phillip Yancey includes the words of Helmut Thielicke, a German preacher offering words of encouragement to his congregation in the midst of suffering under the Nazi regime:

“One day, perhaps, when we look back from God’s throne on the last day we shall say with amazement and surprise, “If I had ever dreamed that God was only carrying out His design and plan…, that in the midst of my cares and troubles and despair… everything was pressing on toward His last kingly day …I would have been more calm and confident; yes, then I would have been more cheerful and far more tranquil and composed.”

Romans 15:4 – “For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.” 

I read the Bible just about every day and even when things are going smoothly skipping days leaves me feeling lost and empty.  Often as I face smaller struggles, the last thing I want to do is read my Bible, but I know God wants to “talk” to us through His Word and as soon as I go to Him there, the emptiness is gone.  I generally spend time reading whatever plan I am currently following; isolated quotes never helped me much until I began reading the Bible in chronological order.  Using this type of reading plan, I was able to read what King David was experiencing when he wrote each of his Psalms.  I saw how David went to the Lord in honest prayer to express his emotions and how he recalled God’s attributes and promises to get him through each trial. In the same way, reading God’s promises in context helps me see the problems His people were facing when He revealed the promise.   After following the chronological reading plan three times I have a better understanding of the context of scripture and I can better apply them to different situations.  In addition to reading relevant scripture, I know the Bible is God’s way of talking to us and with the knowledge that every word written comes from Him, I am better able to feel His presence.  It’s almost as good as a hug from God!

Hebrews 10:25 – “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another,”

Fellowship with other Christians is my greatest struggle, but I have started building relationships and knew I needed others during this time.  Once again my daughter was my main means of support, but I also reached out to my LifeGroup from church, asking them for prayer.  Their e-mail messages assuring me they would be praying for me brought comfort that I was surprised to feel.  There is a big difference when you know the people praying for you really do believe in the power of prayer and that they do genuinely care about you.  With these people I know the phrase “I’ll pray for you” is not just an empty phrase.  They believe in it and they do it.

I experienced God’s comfort by doing the things He tells me to do: praying, reading His word, and seeking support and encouragement from fellow believers.  Though I cannot see Him or receive a physical hug from Him, I experienced real comfort directly from Him.  He IS with us and, if we will reach out to Him, He will comfort us.

Matthew 28:20 – “and lo, I am with you always”

Worry about NOTHING?!

19 Saturday Oct 2013

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One of the greatest struggles I had in building my relationship with God over the last four years is overcoming worry.  When I accepted Christ’s sacrifice for me and decided to follow His direction for my life, I was overwhelmed with worry, fear, depression and anxiety.  I desperately needed the peace He promises.  But I struggled to find this rest as my family and I went through some tremendous trials.  During my Bible study one day I came across this verse:

Philippians 4:6 – “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God”

It was hard for me to fathom how God could expect me to live in this world and not worry about anything.  The only way I thought that could happen would be to stop caring about people.  That wasn’t going to happen and it certainly wasn’t consistent with the person God is and the kind of person He wants me to be.  Surely God understands if we worry about our loved ones, people who have not accepted His gift of salvation, world events that we have no control over.  But these words come from Paul, who suffered greatly.  He faced death numerous times, endured torture time and time again, had many friends who suffered and died, and was pursued endlessly by powerful people who opposed his message.  Yet Paul exhorts us through his words to the Philippians that we are to be anxious about NOTHING.  Paul didn’t provide us with a list of things we are allowed to worry about.  He says we are to be anxious about NOTHING.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  NO THING.  NOTHING. 

There is only one way to worry about nothing:  absolute trust in God.  When I am faced with a struggle, I come up with a solution that I want to see.  It’s generally a quick solution because the sooner the issue goes away, the sooner I can quit worrying.  I know how I want things to turn out and I go to God asking Him for those results.  Then I become anxious when I see even a slight possibility that things might turn out differently than I have planned or when nothing seems to be changing.  As I provide God with solutions, the absurdity of what I’m doing hits me and I have to switch gears.  I begin to focus on turning the situation over to God, but still I often worry whether or not I will be able to handle the outcome He might choose. 

Each time I’m faced with a new struggle, I face the challenge of totally trusting God.  I have to remember that He will work it out in a way that accounts for many things I cannot possibly consider.  He can account for every possible consequence for every individual and for eternity.  My limited view of life leaves me wanting answers that don’t include any kind of suffering or pain.  I don’t consider answers that will benefit someone I am harboring hard feelings for.  When I trust God’s answers, I can know He is able to take all of this into account and bring about good.  My view is too limited to even begin to accomplish this.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

 I love reading the Old Testament.  I get really frustrated with the Israelites as I read of their constant lack of trust in God during their time in the wilderness.  They worried about what they would eat and drink and expressed their displeasure with Moses for taking them out of Egypt where they had plenty, conveniently forgetting how they had suffered there.  They were fearful of the approaching Egyptian army and they feared the inhabitants of the land God promised them.  I question how they could ever worry about anything after the miracles they had witnessed – the parting of the Red Sea, God leading them by fire at night and the cloud by day, water pouring out of rocks and manna falling from the sky.  I sometimes think that if God would perform one of these miracles today, it would be easier to trust Him.  But if it didn’t work for the Israelites, I have to understand it wouldn’t work for me, either!  As I read these stories, I also have to remember that I have the advantage of reading about these things centuries after they happened.  I am no different from the Israelites when I face the trials He allows in my life.  I have to trust what He is going to do and I have to keep in mind that it might not look like I want it to look.  That’s the tough part. 

There are several things about God that I keep in mind.  God is outside of time.  He is able to work in my life as if He is reading about it centuries later.  He is omniscient so He knows what the consequences will be of everything that He allows in my life.  He orchestrates all of it so it works for good for all those who love Him who are involved even in the smallest way, not just the people and things I am aware of. 

Even when the solution God provides is difficult, I can rest assured God is still taking care of me.  As the Israelites’ wandered in the wilderness for 40 years as punishment for their lack of trust, God provided everything they needed.  As long as I remind myself that what He is doing takes into consideration everyone who loves Him and that He is preparing all for eternity, I am able to free myself from the anxiety I experience when I cannot see or understand the reasons for the difficult things He allows into my life. 

God’s timing is vastly different from mine.  More often than not, God’s plans require a lot of patience.  My most earnest prayer is that my loved ones will accept Christ.  As I watch things in the world unravel, I am convinced that this world has just about tested God’s patience to the limit and He will soon bring it to a close.  This leaves me with a sense of urgency for those who haven’t accepted His gift of salvation. There are days when I plead with Him to let me see some progress and there have been times when He shows me how someone has become more open to Jesus or they ask a question that indicates they are thinking about something we have discussed.  But, again, He didn’t provide a list of exceptions that I’m allowed to worry about, not even others’ salvation, nor did He say He would relieve my worry through visible evidence.  He will relieve my worry through faith and trust in Him and I must be patient.

The Philippians verse also tells us that we are to be thankful.  Giving thanks allows us to focus on God’s goodness.  It reminds us that He has cared for us in the past and will continue to do so.  Thanking and praising God as we petition Him for help in getting through trials changes our attitude and should help us realize that He truly cares for us.

1 Peter 5:7 “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

My husband has head knowledge of Jesus but is not a committed follower.  We were talking about money and I reminded him that it could all be taken away in the blink of an eye despite his methodical, careful management.  I told him that if God wants me to live in a box, I’ll live in a box.  He said “But I don’t want to live in a box.”  In a misguided attempt to help him understand something about God’s nature, I tried to assure him if that were God’s plan, it would happen no matter what we do and we can rest in knowing that God would take care of our needs while teaching and refining us.  It wasn’t a well-timed conversation – like trying to teach someone geometry before they’ve mastered basic math – but it reminded me how thankful I am that I can trust God’s plans for me, no matter what they look like.  I wish my husband could find this peace.  

Luke 12:22-25 – “Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”

Even my Christian friends often approach a struggle with their own plan in mind.  I try to find ways to remind them that God might have something different in mind for them.  Perhaps they will not be healed of a health issue, perhaps they will not get that job they desperately want, or maybe a family matter won’t be resolved in the way we believe would be best.  But they can still trust that no matter what happens God will use it for good.  God wants us to bring the desires of our hearts to Him and we are to be persistent and bold with our requests.  But we have to remember God is part of all answers, even when we don’t like them or understand them.  Too often we celebrate His presence when the answers look like we want them to look but chalk up His more difficult responses as unanswered prayer.    

Mark 14:32- 36: “ Then they came to a place which was named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” And He took Peter, James, and John with Him, and He began to be troubled and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch.”He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him.  And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.”

Does this mean we will never have a minute of worry?  No, I don’t expect that.  After all, we still live in a broken world and we still care about other people.  Even Jesus, God in the flesh, experienced great anxiety on the night of His arrest.  On that night Jesus was deeply distressed and exceedingly sorrowful.  He turned to God in fervent prayer, asking God three times to take the cup from Him.  But Jesus yielded to God’s will.  Unlike us, Jesus knew what God’s plan would demand and how difficult it would be yet He still trusted in what God was doing, knowing what that plan meant for every person who ever lived. This should be our example during our struggles. 

I want to be as confident in God’s plans as Jesus was at Gethsemane; to live as if I can see through to eternity and rest assured that God’s plans are always the best for everyone involved.  I know I can approach God with my requests time and time again but when I convince myself that is the only acceptable answer, I invite worry and anxiety into my life.  I must always turn it over to God in the end and let Him work it out His way.  I must learn to lean on Him and trust that He will get me through those answers He provides that are painful or that I don’t understand.

The payoff is huge:  Philippians 4:7 – “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”